The Plight of the Poor ?

Today was a bit more than a wee splash of cold water.
It felt more like a deluge.

I got up this morning, went out to the car and found that it would not start.
I was so very frustrated.
We had just gotten our car back out of the shop last week and now it wouldn't start.

Ok, I wasn't just frustrated.
I melted down.

A million things seemed to run through my head.
* I couldn't afford to miss work.
* I didn't want to have to figure out how to find the money to have more car repairs.
* I didn't want to "try and fix it ourselves" as that could mean breakdowns, repeated breakdowns, over the course of the next few weeks because "oops, we 'fixed' something that wasn't actually the problem" and I could end up stranded who-knows-where for hours.
* I was so @#$% tired of this stupid car breaking. This has been the 4th or 5th time since we bought it a few months ago.
* I didn't want to try and find the money to rent a car again for the days my car might be in the shop.
* I am soooo tired of things in life 'going wrong.'  My health is all jacked up again, I'm worried that this might mean surgery after all, and now the car is being a nightmare.

And on....and on...and on....

And so I broke down and cried.
And I hated the fact that I was crying over it all.
But crying is good for us. We were created with the ability to cry.
And I'm human.
So be it.
Jesus cried too.

Anyway.
There I sat in the living room floor.
After the mild emotional storm passed I got to thinking.
This is what the poor in America go through all the time.
And the poor overseas go through worse.

I thought about the stereotypical single mom of 3 who holds down jobs at both Waffle House and the local bar.
Her health declines and she works anyway.  She has no choice.
Her car doesn't start and if she doesn't make it to work she might get evicted and her kids might go hungry.
There's a good chance they're going hungry anyway.
She probably melts down, like I did, and then figures it out.

It gave me pause.

At a really minor level (and I truly get that it is minor) I felt for a passing moment what the American "working poor" feel.
I was just re-reading about how the American "working poor" tend to fall through the cracks.
Like reading this just yesterday and praying that God would give me some perspective on that.

Oh. Right.

So here's my opportunity.

I'm glad that it happened.
I'm glad it freaked me out.
I'm glad I melted down.

Glad because I have renewed perspective.
If only a little.

Glad I melted down because it gives space for humility.
I will not be in a place to stand in judgment of another when they melt down from the same 'fear' or 'worry.'
I will not be able to say in my own pride "Well, I sucked it up and just dealt with it!  What's wrong with you??"
No, I'll be able to sit there and say, "Yeah, it's ok to cry."
And I will also be able to say, "When my car broke down/I missed work and was short that month and couldn't pay the bills/whatever, I cried it out and then turned to Jesus anyway."

Because, you see, I realize again that following Jesus does not mean that everything will always be ok.
Funny, because a friend of mine and I talk about that often.
And thankfully so because this morning, after I cried, I remembered that following Jesus does not mean that everything will always be ok.
* What it does mean is that we are not alone.
* What it does mean is that if I handle my heart and actions well on this side, even in mild or one day intense suffering, then the reward on the other side will be tremendous. And eternal.
* What it does mean is that I get the opportunity to love Him in the midst of the hard and prove my love is true just like He loved me in the midst of the hard and proved His love was true.

Golden stuff, that.

And even in the midst of the hard, I am still richly blessed.
Richly.

Because I have an awesome boss that picked me up and drove me to my school even though it made him late for his.

I knew that I had a friend who would drive me to the fencing club tonight if it turns out that I need a ride.

I know that, ok, I may have to forgo a "let's go out for lunch" (or two or three or so) over the next little while but the bills that meet actual needs will still get paid.

No one will starve.
No one is getting evicted.
We are all just mildly inconvenienced.

Lots of lessons here.

Granted, I didn't spend the rest of my morning riding on a unicorn of happiness.
I still am not excited about dealing with my car and I do wish my body would cooperate and stop being difficult.

But, as I walked in the door after my boss dropped me back off from work my alarm for Noon Prayers went off.
I sat down and determined that I was going to sit before God and praise Him.
And my noon reading contained the following verse:

"But may all who seek You
rejoice and be glad in You;
may those who long for Your
saving help always say,
'The Lord is great!'"
(Ps 40:16)

Indeed, the Lord is great!
And He has done great things for me.
May all who seek Him rejoice and be glad in Him.

Amen.

Clothing Month: Soul Nakedness

Clothing.


I thought for sure this month would be a breeze.

After all, I've lived in situations where I had 2 shirts, 2 pair of shorts, 2 pair of underwear, 2 bras and 1 pair of shoes for months.

How hard could it be to live with 7 articles of clothing and unlimited underclothing for 4 weeks?


In this culture?

Harder than you think.

And so surface more issues of my heart.

Over the years, as i studied simplicity from Catholic, Protestant and Neo-monastic perspectives I have thought many times about how much I would love to go simple again in my own life.


And in many, many ways Larry and I have done so.
We don't own a lot of stuff, we have gotten out of major debt.
Between the two of us we make  $29,000/yr and, compared to a large percentage of the world, live like kings on what we make.

I came into this chapter like it was going to be a breeze, as I said above, thinking "oh good, though I am not ready to scale down to two brown tunics like John Michael Talbot it's going to be great to go down to very few articles of clothing again."

Really?

Well, yeah, 3 t-shirts, a pair of jeans, a pair of shorts, a black sweater and a pair of black tennis shoes are great.
...Until you have to stand up in front of the church and say something.
...Until have to go to that ministry meeting.
...Until you have to go to that lunch with intimidating people.
...Until you're meeting a group of strangers for the first time.

Yeah, Leigh.
Only a few articles of clothing is easy when the entire culture you reside in only owns the same amount of clothing you own.
But not so easy when there are other choices and you...what was that..."want to make a good impression?"

Ouch.

And so we come to the state of my heart.
Which is what I wanted to deal with in this whole series of fasts.

One of my goals in life (and I am not there yet, obviously) was to be most concerned with who I am.

I am truly convinced that what makes us attractive as people is not what we wear, what we own, our accents, color, etc but our Godliness.
Who we are in God is what draws people (or pushes them away).
We are a fragrance, as Scripture tells us, of life or death, depending on where people are in their own life journey.

If you have done any reading about Mother Teresa, St Francis, Shane Claiborne, these types of people, no one was drawn to them because they were good looking or had "stuff" or kept their houses clean or whatever.

No, people were (are) drawn to them because of who they were (are).
Because of how they lived their lives.
Because of their priorities.
Because holiness, Godliness, surrounded them and oozed out of them.

I am not there.
Not even close.
But I am glad to have to wear the same jeans, same t-shirt and same sweater...
...To church
...To that meeting with strangers
....To that ministry lunch
Because it's forcing me to reckon with my priorities.

Do I really want to be a fragrance of the Presence of Jesus?
If so, then my interior life is what is important.
Not whether or not I am putting on a purple t-shirt again.

May the day come when rivers of living water truly do pour forth from my belly, people can look at me and note "that she has been with Jesus," and walk away not even remembering the color of my shirt.